10 Things to Worry About

Science writer John Tierney of the New York Times busts 10 myths of things the media typically use to incite panic in us mere mortals. It's very worthwhile to read the full article, "10 Things to Scratch From Your Worry List," but in brief, they are:

1. Killer hot dogs
2. Your car's planet-destroying A/C
3. Forbidden fruits from afar
4. Carcinogenic cellphones
5. Evil plastic bags
6. Toxic plastic bottles
7. Deadly sharks
8. The Arctic's missing ice
9. The universe's missing mass
10. Unmarked wormholes

The act of debunking myths is one of the greatest forms of comeuppance, and I'm a big fan of its practitioners, from Houdini all the way up to Penn & Teller. In a way, it's the modern academic version of the gentleman duelist--Aaron Burr would be proud. And now that you have 10 less things to worry about, there's plenty of room for my list of 10 things that should definitely make you wet yourself:

10 Things to Add to Your Worry List

1. Being killed in a jet-pack fly-by
2. Crane collapse (for New Yorkers)
3. Rush-hour bridge collapse (for the rest of the U.S.)
4. Coma-inducing ice cream headache (no story here, just my own private worry)
5. Dropping dead during decathalon (for Olympic athletes)
6. Death by pencil (for anyone who has seen The Dark Knight)
7. Christian Bale's filial rage (for Chrisitian Bale's family)
8. Run over by a drunk Shia LeBeouf (for Harrison Ford)
9. Your next job: making novelty flags for China (for Bear Stearns employees)
10. Zombie Estelle Getty (for Rue McClanahan)